It has been a year since I lost another very special friend. His AKC name was Spirit of Bear. He had chosen the kids and me eleven years ago. Then he was a six week old puppy, just a black bundle of love and puff ball of fur with a huge mottled pink tongue. He grew into one hundred and ninety five pounds of roly poly dirt ball affection.
Newfoundland’s are bred for water, and Spirit loved the water. He could find the only mud hole on a mountain in the middle of a drought on a hot August afternoon. He was a constant companion to the kids, the horses and me on long rides, and would tag along on hikes guarding us, at least in his mind, from unseen dangers. He had a huge deep bark that echoed off the canyon walls and he jealously protected his turf immediately around the house from deer, coyotes, and other would be encroachers.
Over his last year I had noticed changes. Difficulty getting up, pronounced limps, a need for softer food, less energy, and he would no longer accompany us much beyond the gates of the jack leg fence below the house on our excursions. Over December and January his slip from health was precipitous. He was obviously in great discomfort despite medications and a number of trips to the vet. A growth on the inside of his mouth was diagnosed in January as advanced terminal cancer, deeply embedded in his jawbone. He was having difficulty eating. 
I had returned home a week early from a trip because he was slipping rapidly. Friday afternoon, January 23, 2009 I let him out. He hobbled slowly and painfully away from the house. When he did not come back by dusk, I went searching for him and found him lying in the snow beneath the aspens just downhill from the house. It was almost dark and bitter cold. Icy blasts of storm hurtled down the canyon. He could not get up and his breath came in slow painful wheezes. When I tried to help him, he yelped in pain. Those big brown eyes which had so often laughed and loved when looking into mine, cried out for me to hold him. I let Goose, our then two year old golden lab lick Spirit’s nose in an uncomprehending, but somehow all knowing goodbye. He and Spirit had become best buddies. There is no doubt in my mind that Goose’s bouncy exuberant company had both improved and extended Spirit’s life.
I cradled his great shaggy head in my lap stroking him softly until he relaxed. He knew. I said my goodbye and goodbyes for the kids. Just lifting his head made him groan in misery. It was heart breaking. And then, with tears blurring my vision, my shaking hands felt the breath leave him, my friend’s soul carried away in the howl of winter wind searching for the warmth of the next life as all freed soul energy does.
I can feel those tears well again as I write this. We miss him, really miss him. This spring we are going to start searching for a new Newfie pup. I think we will call him Spirit of Spirit.
I just lost my little boy…Cody. A Norfolk Terrier. So so much smaller than yours. Though I now have a new little girl…Roo…his grand niece…I miss him so badly. Every where he layed serves as a reminder. He too died finally from cancer, though he was also dealing with congestive heart failure. He died too young. When I knew the pain was too much, I had him put down. One moment he was looking in my face as if to ask why…then the next…he gently and quickly…went to sleep. I sobbed like a baby. And kept loving on him..though he could no longer hear me. I sure do hope…when I die…he’s there to greet me…
I, too, have held my dear friend as he took his last breath. I understand. I believe you gave your boy a great gift, your presence, as he made his transition. Be at peace. He is with you still. 🙂
I cried reading this and share in your loss..I have lost many loved ? pets and you really never get over it..but the good memories help you through. They are an extension of who we are, helping us through good times and bad, never criticize, always patient…they never really leave your side..peace friend:)
this made me cry for losing a family pet is so heart breaking, I losted 4 dogs in my life time and blackie was my son’s black lab that he got as a pet in the 3rd grade and he was gettig old, its almost 2yrs.since he passed, and now my son has 2 dogs at the house, Bruizer and I call the other dog boo for he’s was abused and scared of his own shadow, but he’s a good nature and loving dog…..I wasn’t ready to get close to either dog but its hard not to love them..Boo follows me around and both dogs follow Kenny around and its so funny to watch…he was fixing his truck and both dogs were laying near him and even on top of him just to get some loving..So sorry that you losted Spirit..I know the feeling,I was home alone when Blackie started getting sick and he was laying on the porch not moving and I was crying for I wanted my son to be home for I thought he’s died in my arms, and then a few days later, he died in Kenny’s arms, and all we did was cried and walked around so for days. I hope that yu find a dog to take Spirits place…
I remember another black “Newfie” you had in FC and the day you lost him. Sorry for your loss…
I remember living this with you, hour by hour………..Spirit of the Bear is at peace………..and just maybe the babe, Spirit of the Spirit will be the Bears reincarnation…………nice thought………..proud of you for being able to write about this now.
I have lost two of my best friends… What joy they gave, even more what joy they feel when we are with them… Dogs are amazing. I am so glad you were with him… Last year I put Lucy down… We tried surgery and nothing was going to make her better, she had become blind by a blow to her head… My vet said she would get worse and become mean so I made that heartbreaking desicion to put her down… My best friend went with me and I held her all the way through… It still tears me up… I have a new mini bull, and she is great, but there will never be another Luci… Your stories are so touching and so real to the reality of love, surroundings and emotions… Thank You! Glad your back… Oregon